There are days I look in the mirror and I say "You a bad bitch!" but today I said..."This is ALL bad bitch!" It's funny how a pair of pants can reduce your self esteem to extinction. I learned never to ask anyone with the ability to respond "Does this make me look fat?!" Because you're clearly setting them up to tell a boldface lie. Anyone who's courageous enough to tell you the truth, will end up risking their relationship with you, and they know it's not worth it. So ladies, please do yourselves a favor and go ahead and take your pants as the truth teller in this situation. Oh, and don't think I never used the excuse "Well... I did just wash these pants!"
It's easy to let shit like that get to you especially when you know you've been eating too much french fries for lunch and having cupcakes before you go to bed. You know you ain't been right with yourself and an inanimate object like your pants, the scale, the mirror, can tell you without restraints. No need to ask anyone else and involve them with your overdue self-talk.
So self, here's what I have to say to you..."This is preposterous! Pull yourself together! I'm just about sick of you thinking Monday is the only day you can start living right! Yes, I understand you want me to be kind and compassionate right now, but how about I give you praise on your cheat days. I need you to make conscious decisions everyday except on cheat days. Actually we're going to stop calling it cheat days or free days or whatever the hell else day that is altogether. Because the word cheat just don't go well with me and why would you want to cheat on your own damn self? We will call it furlough days. It is an authorized leave of absence from structure. In the meantime, take those pants out of the closet hang it in your kitchen where you can see it before you eat that damn cupcake and begin your day with the end in mind. Self, today is a good day to work on your will. Make a vow that you will not wear sweats or leggings in lieu of those pants before the month is over! You can do this...don't forget, it's not your size but it's your "I CAN DO THIS" attitude that makes you a BAD ASS BITCH!"
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