Costco Compulsion

My Mom was too cheap to buy the membership so she asked one of her friends to take her. I was well over the age where I understood this was not a trip to Disneyland yet with the energy and the excitement in the air, we might as well say we were. We piled up in a van and headed out to this wonderland called Costco. The parking lot was full and people came out of that warehouse like they had supplies to last them until the next lifetime. Where the hell was I? The supermarket for end of the world shoppers?! However, I knew it was exclusive enough to make sure not to separate from the cardholder otherwise they would deny your entry. My Mom kept us close. I never really knew why it was so exclusive and what made Costco special. Not until I had children of my own. It all started with trying to save money on diapers. 13 years ago, Costco and I got to know each other real well. Some checkers knew my name and reminded me it's time to replace my Brita filter. But Costco was more than a place to shop, it was a respite care for frustrated wives, a place to wander around when my ex-husband pissed me off and I wanted to get away. I found comfort in aisle drifting at Costco. I mindlessly picked up items I didn't need but it looked like I would need it sometime in the next 10 years. Today Costco is where I take my children if I want them to have a culinary tasting experience so I don't have to make them lunch. They're old enough to know how to linger and get the first sample fresh out of the oven or the pan. There is a method to this madness. Never go to Costco on a weekend, unless you get there an hour after they just opened. Never go to Costco when you're full. Always have a list of the things you need. Learn the aisles so you don't venture into the ones you know you'll be tempted to buy something you don't need. Look through their online products, they're more than likely not going to display caskets on aisle 6. Know your pattern of consumption, you're probably not going to need the 5 gallon mayonnaise. Know how much storage you have, it may look relatively smaller or less in a big ass warehouse but as soon as you store it in your closet you'll soon realize you don't need that much toilet paper. Leave your card and checkbook at home and bring cash, it might help to keep your ass on a budget. But most of all, learn how to cook overgrown rotisserie chicken 3 ways. The first night you take that chicken home, it'll be ok as it is, but the following day, it might be best to make it a chicken enchilada or quesadilla. And for God's sake, control your Costco Compulsions! If you're taking trips to Costco every 4 days, what would be the point of buying in bulk? At the very least, Costco is good for their $1.50 hotdogs with soda because it's amazing how you can buy so much shit and get home only to realize you now need to go to Safeway in order to cook a real meal. But if any consolation, you have enough toilet paper to make yourself a pinata tonight.